Learning to Pray

The other half of this week's Lenten discipline is Prayer. That's a deceptively hard thing for me I think. It seems it should be easy. I'm a preacher...we pray. But, prayer is something I have always struggled with. I'm in and out of prayer all day long, and sort of pray for people as I see them. And I'm always talking to God--it's kind of one long conversation all day. (If I ever appear to be talking to myself...I might be talking to God...or I might really be talking to myself.) But as I think about praying to change situations, I get a little nervous. Somewhere long ago, I heard that you don't pray to change situations, you pray to change yourself. That I get. And I've been changed lots through prayer. But somewhere, too, that is deeply rooted within me. I'm not sure that I'd openly admit this, but as I think about it more and more, I wonder if I believe that maybe God already has a plan for a given situation, no matter how hard I pray.
As I went into the chapter on prayer, all of that was in the back of my mind, I guess I was a little hesitant. I've happily given the excuse all my life that praying is a spiritual gift--one that many people have, but maybe I don't. But as I was reading, Foster mentioned something that I hadn't thought about before: "Real prayer is something we learn" The thought that Jesus' disicples said to Jesus "Lord, teach us to pray" never entered my mind. Another thing that he points out is that neither Jesus nor the disciples ever pray and conclude with "If it be thy will". I'm not sure where I've learned to conclude that way-- maybe I just don't want to step on God's toes-- but it seems that both Jesus and the disciples were so sure that they knew God's will before they prayed that they didn't have to pray in that way.
As I think about this, I wonder if perhaps that's why these two disciplines (Prayer and meditation) go together. If meditation is the intentional seeking of communion with God, and if that communion is found, then it might make sense that one would know of GOd's will in such a confident manner. If we are in constant communion with God, then perhaps there is no room for tentative "If it be thy will" prayers.
So, and I am praying and meditating this week, I am asking to be given both the grace to meditate and the knowledge to know how to pray. I expected to be able to jump right into those things, but maybe being in prayer about the things to come is a good start.